


Lost Shadows

by Kunoichirin



Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki!Shikamaru, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, POV Alternating, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-02-22 23:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23101741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kunoichirin/pseuds/Kunoichirin
Summary: I am... well, I'm not exactly sure who I am. Itachi and the rest of the Akatsuki call me Shadow because of my jutsu. For three years I've shown no mercy to all enemies thrown at me, until one. One of them triggers a memory. It's a memory of a little white dog, and a boy. I can't make out his face, except for those red fang markings.
Relationships: Inuzuka Kiba/Nara Shikamaru, Nara Shikamaru & Uchiha Itachi
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my attempt at some shit. Your welcome.

A strong wave of burning pain. A ringing in my ear. A boy reaching out to me, screaming something I cannot understand. He's being dragged away, and I can't move. I want to reach him, to take his hand, but I know that if I do, he'll disappear.

It's a strong feeling of desire and a feeling of protectiveness splitting me in two. The moment the darkness closes around me, I can't picture him. In fact, I can't picture anything.

There's a cliff with faces of strangers. There's a village that's foreign to me. Every citizen there has a face shrouded by darkness. All their glowing red eyes staring down at me in disappointment.

What... did it all mean? Where was I? Better yet, _who_ was I?

I blinked awake in a dark place. I tried to move, but my arms were tied behind my back. There was a group of shadowy figures gathered in front of me, whispering. As the ringing in my ear cleared, I strained to listen.

"--just a kid." One of them- a blue skinned man- said.

"I've seen him on the battlefield." Said another, who had raven hair. "Just a couple times while we were tracking down the Nine-Tails, but he's a bright one. We could use someone of his nature."

"I doubt he'd last a second out there. Look at how scrawny he is." The silver-haired one sneered.

"Shut up, he's awake!" Hissed the masked one with strange green eyes.

They all turned to me, and I almost flinched. I wasn't quite sure why; they weren't actually that intimidating to me. I stared back at them, not showing my confusion. For some reason, a line kept going through my head: _Never show the enemy your emotions._ I relaxed a little, my face neutral.

The raven haired one walked over to me. "I see you're finally conscious. Sorry to have you tied up like this, but you might escape otherwise." A blonde near the back snorted. "Might I ask you a question? Do you know who I am?"

I wasn't sure what kind of answer that question should have. I didn't know who he was, that was the truth. But it could be dangerous to say I didn't- they might try to manipulate me. But then again, I knew nothing about them, and though they might be shady, they're my only lead as to who I am. I ultimately decided to tell the truth. I shook my head no.

"Do you know, perhaps, who we are?" He indicated everyone there, which was disturbingly a lot. I paused again to think it over, then reluctantly shook my head once again. "Do you know who you are?"

Here it was. I was expecting this question eventually. From what I gathered from their conversation, I was a fighter. I was intelligent. I was young. Thirteen, I suddenly remembered. But I didn't know my name. I'm sure they already knew the answer; I didn't know who I was. But if I lied, it could possibly get me killed, especially if I was their enemy. If I told the truth, once again, they might try to manipulate me. But I didn't have much of a choice here. So I went with the safest answer. I shook my head no.

"I thought so." The raven haired man sighed. "So what you have is TBI, Traumatic Brain Injury. Which means you've lost your memory due to a traumatic experience. In your case, that would be an explosion."

That explained the burning and why I couldn't hear temporarily. But what led up to the explosion? Where did it happen? And who was that boy in my memory, calling out to me? I wasn't going to ask; they might lie to me.

I blew a strand of hair out of my face, and blinked at him. I wasn't ready to speak just yet, because who knew what would come out. He blinked back and smiled. Now I was even more confused. I inched away from him a little; he was too close for comfort.

"Well then." He smiled. "Welcome to the Akatsuki, shadow child."

~A Couple Hours Later~

"We came as soon as we heard." Gaara said, followed close behind by Kankurou and Temari. "Are we too late?"

Temari's eyes scanned the group for injuries. There were a couple scrapes and bruises, and a few burns, but nothing too serious. "Wait..." She counted in her head. "Aren't there supposed to be twelve of you Genin? Well, technically, one of you is a Chunnin, but whatever."

Ino and Chouji exchanged a look, and it was only then that Temari noticed the red around their eyes. Shino nodded towards a path a little bit from the village, that led into the forest.

The three Sand Siblings hesitated, but followed him into a clearing, smoke faintly rising from the edges of a crater. There, Kiba was on his knees, head down, clutching something tight to his chest. Tears were running down his cheeks as he tried desperately not to let out a sob.

"Alright, there's one, where's the other?" Kankurou asked. Gaara gave him a look like he's stupid.

"Where is he?" Temari demanded, grabbing Shino by the collar and glaring through his glasses. His eyes were hardly visible, but they showed that he wouldn't dare look at her. "Where's Shikamaru!?"

"Temari." Gaara said sternly. She released Shino and let out a growl.

"What happened." She asked calmly. "Why was he killed?!"

"There was a pair." Shino answered. "The twelve of us were the only available shinobi, so the Hokage sent us to take them out. She knew they were a serious threat, so she asked us to be careful. We warded them off, but they were much tougher than expected. When they were leaving, one of them dropped a giant statue thing, and- I don't really know what happened next, other than us all running before it exploded."

"He made sure everyone was safe." Kiba muttered. All eyes shifted to him. "He shoved me forward, saying I could make it. He thought he could keep the explosion small with his shadows.

"And he did. If not for him, there would be much worse than just this crater." He lifted his head. "I wanted- I _tried_ to go back; to save him. But I was held back. I could've saved him..."

"No, Kiba, you would've died." Shino insisted firmly. "For the last time, it's not your fault. You know better than anyone that he wanted to protect you of all people. You know he'd have died with regrets if you had died."

Kiba didn't reply. He dug his nails into the ground, drawing blood as more tears fell. "He's such... an _idiot_. Why couldn't he have just run?!"

"Because then we'd _all_ be dead." Shino reminded him. "He made a sacrifice so that the rest of us could live. I'm sorry Kiba, you know all of us would change it if we could, but we can't."

"You don't get it." Kiba growled, then whipped around. "You didn't love him like I do!"

A tense silence followed. Temari finally noticed the piece of torn cloth and metal in his hand.

It was Shikamaru's headband.

~Three Years Later~

I sighed, looking at myself in the mirror. It'd been a bloodbath less than a half an hour ago. We'd taken out an enemy village, sparing no citizen. I couldn't help but feel hesitant, even after these past few years.

Taking off my mask, which covered the top half of my face, two fangs down the sides of my mouth. The Akatsuki had given it to me saying it was dangerous if others knew my identity. I obliged, though I was certain then that they had perhaps been hiding more than my identity from me.

I had to untie my hair, and redo it the way I had been; A half crown braid leading back into a ponytail. One might call it girly, but it kept it out of my face. Except for those few annoying strands always hanging down over my mask.

Besides, who's going to call you girly if you're killing them?

I fixed my mask back onto my face before joining my assigned partners out on in the courtyard. There was blood all over the walls of buildings and ground. It was unnerving to look at, and it made my stomach twist.

"Ready to move on?" Itachi asked as I caught up.

"Doesn't matter if I am, we are anyways." I pointed out. Kisame barked a laugh.

"Damn right." He said.

"Our next target is a small town rather close to the border of the Land of Fire. It's called Kusa." Itachi told him. "There's an important scroll there that's dangerous if it falls into the hands of the Leaf. We need to retrieve it before they do."

"Which means we have to get our hands dirty again?" I translated.

"Not if they don't put up a fight. Then we take it and leave." Itachi assured me. He knew I was still a little uncomfortable with massacring several towns. I'd been told to not think of them as people, but as obstacles. It was my life or theirs. And every time I chose mine.

We left the village behind, and I noticed my hand was shaking. Strange... I was a stone-cold killer, who never thought twice about killing people by this point, and I thought I'd left those nerves behind. To hide it, I curled my hand into my sleeve, hoping they hadn't noticed. 

I'd actually had an awful gut feeling since the beginning of the year. Even after these three(ish) years, they haven't told me their whole plan. But I know it's started. Tobi actually almost let it slip the other day, and Itachi nearly wrung his neck. He then told me he wasn't about to let me be involved in such difficult matters. I was very confused, which I hated more than anything.

He should know by now I'll always find things out. It's one of the reasons the rest of the Akatsuki accepted me in. I noticed things that people were trying to hide. I could tell if someone was lying, or if something seemed out of place, even slightly. That keen eye was something the Akatsuki lacked a bit. 

They didn't usually need it much, but when they did, I was the first person they asked. In any case, I'd been catching onto a few things. You could call them patterns, I suppose. A pattern in their targets.

Well, really, I'd only started piecing things together after the most recent (and possibly first) mission that involved a straight up attack on the Hidden Sand. The Kazekage had something called a tailed beast. Tobi had said they were Biju. Their vessels were called Jinchuriki. That night, I'd had a dream. I was running through the trees with two people. Their faces were blurry, so I couldn't tell who they were. We were chasing something.

A monster roared ahead. It was giant, and resembled a tanuki. A person was sticking out of it's forehead, limp and unconscious. His red hair was the real thing that stuck out to me.

Time practically rewound and I was on a stairwell with one of the people from before. We heard voices, and paused to watch unnoticed. The Jinchuriki had sand surrounding him, which then wrapped around the men and crushed them. Blood flew everywhere.

He was a sociopath, if I remembered correctly. I felt pure terror in my chest as he began to walk past us. He could kill us at any second with just a snap of the fingers, or a blink of an eye.

I'd woken up that night, my heart pounding in my chest. I had to remain quiet and calm down alone.

They were blights of this world. Creatures of pure evil. I'd started the idea that the Akatsuki were an organization dedicated to ridding the world of them. Maybe I was lying to myself. Even if I was convincing myself that, I found comfort in the idea.

As we walked, I kept thinking about a blonde. I don't know how I know him, or from where, but he had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. There were whisker-like marks on his cheeks, and his grin annoyed the heck out of me.

The word Nine-Tails popped into my mind. I was thinking of him because he was a Jinchuriki. But I felt a strange feeling of respect for him. Why? Wasn't he a monster? Every time a memory appeared, so did confusion.

I decided to stop thinking about it and instead focus on the path ahead of me. It wasn't a marked path, but I could see a path in the landmarks. A patch of flowers, a tree covered in vines, the smell of dog pee- wait, what?

My sense of smell suddenly focused on that. It was on a tree, then a bush, and then another tree, and back again. A crooked triangle. A little white dog popped into my head and then disappeared again. No big deal, just a dumb dog.

Still, my eyes scanned the forest warily, and my senses heightened, as they did when my guard was up. Every little movement was noticed by me, from the rustling of the leaves to the morning dew slipping off the petals of the flowers.

A chill went down my spine. Someone was watching us. I wasn't sure if the other two noticed, but I'd be surprised if Itachi didn't know what was going on. He's an Uchiha, after all.

What was their first move? Were they going to follow us for a little bit? Were they going to try to ambush us? My mind worked rapidly, planning every outcome of every move they could possibly make.

We continued to walk in silence until we reached a clearing. There were no more trees for them to hop through, so they'd have to either ambush us or risk losing us. I noticed a small cave with a convenient boulder loose enough to fall if someone were to hit it.

Had they planned that? No, it looked too natural to be prepared. But it was dangerous nonetheless. I decided I could use that to my advantage.

The unnatural rustle of the leaves made me whip around to see four people fly out of the trees. They'd been a little faster than I'd anticipated, but I was ready for them. I lifted my hands to begin my hand signs, but Itachi caught my hands. His eyes activated the sharingan, but they weren't looking at him.

I pulled out a kunai to counter one of the brown haired boys, but didn't notice his dog until he rammed into my legs. The woman had started to take on Itachi whilst the other two began their assault on Kisame. Kicking the dog off me into the boy, I started my hand signs once again. Itachi gave me a look. I returned the look with a confused and irritated one, but obeyed. He didn't want them to know my jutsu for some reason.

When my eyesight finally registered my attackers face, my head exploded with pain. My vision started to become hazy as a single memory flooded into my head. I held back a scream, but my legs gave out and I was on the ground, clutching my head.

I was on a hill, watching the sky. Beside me was that boy, but he was younger. He smiled at me, and opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, something struck me in the chest. I was brought back to reality.

The boy was on top of me, pinning me down, holding a kunai to my throat. The look of hatred in his eyes triggered a feeling of guilt in me. Shaking it off, I kneed him in the crotch and shoved him off of me. I could easily end this battle if Itachi would let me use my jutsu, but I wouldn't if he didn't want me to.

I finally noticed we were at the entrance of the cave, and the boulder was shaking from the sudden commotion. It was going to fall, I realized in alarm. Right on top of the boy. My body acted before my mind.

"Look out!" I shouted, tackling him into the cave, just as the boulder fell. We rolled to a stop in the middle of the floor, kicking up dust and pebbles. His eyes risked opening, and he looked at me in confusion, then realization, and shoved me off, backing away quickly.

"Why... why did you save me?" He asked when he was a safe distance away. He was in a defensive position, two kunai in his hands. I touched my face to make sure my mask was still on. It was.

"I'm not entirely sure myself." I shrugged, standing and brushing myself off. "Instinct, I suppose."

"But- but why?" He sputtered.

"Are you deaf? I just told you why." I rolled my eyes. _And you triggered a memory_. His posture relaxed ever so slightly, and as I got a better look at his face when my eyes adjusted to the dark, I noticed those red marks on his cheeks. "Why do you have those?" I asked.

"To defend myself?" He said as though I was stupid.

"Not your kunai, you idiot. Those marks on your cheeks." I narrowed my eyes a bit. There were a few holes in the top of the cave, letting some light in. Just enough that I could use my jutsu if need be.

"I'm- wait, why do you care?!" He exclaimed. I should've figured he'd be on guard.

"You're..." His name was at the tip of my tongue, but I didn't know who he was or where I knew him from. "I know you."

He cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

"I don't know from where, or why, but I know you." I repeated. "You're someone... important. But I don't know why."

"Okay, this is really weird." He said, backing away a little. "Maybe it'd help if you took off that mask-"

"No!" I exclaimed immediately. He jumped. "I can't. They told me never to take it off, so I won't."

"Why?" He asked. "Wouldn't you much rather just get it over with? It might help a lot."

"I'm not one to disobey direct orders. If I feel it's wrong, I can usually find a loophole, but I'm not risking it this time." I replied.

"But... they're not here. They'll never know." He pointed out.

"They always know. Itachi will always finds out." I replied. "Oh, forget it. I don't need to know who you are. I don't need my past."

"Eh? What are you talking about?" He asked.

"Forget it. Just... turn around." I commanded. He blinked at me and smiled nervously.

"Wh-what?"

"Turn around. I'm not supposed to use my jutsu in front of you. I don't know why, but Itachi said so, therefore, turn around and I can get us out of here." I told him bluntly.

"And if I don't?" He asked tauntingly.

"Only one of us will be exiting this cave alive." I say like he's stupid. "Use your brain for once in your life, knucklehead."

He obeyed this time, but gave me a look of confusion. I took a deep breath, and began my hand signs. This was a jutsu I'd been working on for a long time. See, my jutsu wasn't a great melee weapon, so I'd started working around that. My shadow began to crawl up my ankles, then further, until it covered my entire lower half. A sweat bead started to roll down my forehead. It took a lot of chakra to move it this way. 

It kept going, slowly focusing on my arm. As it moved to cover only my right half, I reared back my fist, and plunged it into the boulder. It immediately exploded into shards. My shadow retracted quickly, and I exhaled in relief. 

The boy turned around now, gawking a little. I gave him a look telling him to stay put. If he came out with me, that would be awkward. The fight was still going on, and the other side was losing, but not too badly. The girl had the Byakugan, I realized, and was fighting Kisame almost with a regular amount of effort. The boy was using insects from a distance against both Itachi and Kisame, while the woman was having trouble not looking Itachi in the eyes and fighting him.

I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to be doing, when I was tackled to the ground by a fluffy white blur. It bit into my shoulder, and I almost cried out in alarm, but managed to hold it in by headbutting the dog, then rolling it off me. It was very obviously furious, the way it was snarling at me. I nodded my head at the cave, and raised my hands, hoping it would see I wasn't a threat.

It kept it's eyes on me as it cautiously backed into the cave. It yipped in surprise, and then was silent. I'm guessing the boy's keeping it quiet as to not give him away. But the boy couldn't be the only one to make it out alive. I felt confused, like I wasn't sure which side to be fighting on.

So I watched. I stood by and watched. I planned. I couldn't just attack my own teammates. I'd never be able to explain that. Heck, they might even think I was a spy or something all along. But fighting the Leaf shinobi just didn't feel right. Fighting on either side would feel wrong. Could I pretend to kill them all?

No, better idea. I'd use my jutsu. Yes, they'd be angry with me, but it was the easiest way. I just hoped I hadn't used too much chakra. I made the hand signs, and aimed at every shadow. Yes, _every_ shadow. Even Itachi and Kisame's.

And everyone was halted. No one could move.

Itachi glared at me with both a panicked and angry look. I just shrugged at him. It was silent for a moment; everyone was confused and surprised. I took a deep breath, and extended my shadows up around the Leaf shinobis' necks. I would leave them unconscious and we would leave. They tried to fight it, but I held my ground. Though I was sure I couldn't have that much chakra left, I had to make sure I wouldn't kill them.

A few minutes past before all three of them were on the ground, limp. Unconscious, but seemed dead. I released them and stood still for a moment. Using that much chakra in a row made me feel a little lightheaded.

Itachi was the first to speak up. "What the HELL were you thinking!?" He shouted. It was very rare for him to shout. "I thought we made it very clear you weren't supposed to use your jutsu unless absolutely necessary!"

"Well, their dead, so I don't see what the big deal is." I shrugged. He smacked the back of my head. 

"The big deal is that I told you not to. If they escaped, you'd be in big trouble." He told me fiercely.

"Why, because someone would recognize me? What's the harm in that? People know who _you_ are. People know who _all_ of you are." I countered. "And they're dead. So let's just move on. They weren't worth it in the first place."

"Just-" Itachi took a deep breath. "listen to my orders next time."

"You never _told_ me I couldn't use shadow manipulation." I muttered. He smacked the back of my head again.

"Have I ever let you use your jutsu in battle?"

"No..." I sighed reluctantly.

"If they weren't worth it, why'd you use it?" Itachi inquired. I couldn't tell him the truth.

"It would end it quicker, and they weren't worth the _time_. It would've taken longer if you'd kept going at the pace you were." I pointed out.

Itachi rolled his eyes, then looked at the cave. I tensed. "Did you use your jutsu to get out of _there_?" 

"Yes." I answered.

"For the last time, Shadow," He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Don't use it."

"Fine." I growled. He gave me a look. 

"Now let's go." Itachi said at last. I followed him in silence as we continued along. I glanced over my shoulder at the unconscious bodies. They didn't know they were alive. But they might find out if we faced them again. "Also, here." He tossed me a roll of bandages. I caught it. "For you shoulder."

I sighed, and started applying them as we walked. My sleeve was torn and soaked with blood. But pain-wise, it was nothing more than an annoyance compared to things I'd gone through.

My mind easily wandered back to that boy. I wondered what his name was. How did I know him? Why did I see those red marks in my dreams? Who is he to me?

Confusion was one of things I hated the most.

~

Once Kiba was sure they were gone, he ran out to his teammates. Were they really dead, or...? He crouched next to Kurenai and started shaking her shoulders urgently. "Kurenai-sensei!" He half whispered half shouted.

She blinked her eyes open, and punched him in the face immediately. "Oh! Kiba, I'm so sorry."

"Just glad you're alive." Kiba smiled brightly. "Now help me wake up the others."

As they were, Kurenai looked over at Kiba. "You... haven't a scratch on you. What happened?"

"Apparently, he says he knows me, but he doesn't know from where. He said he couldn't hurt me. He's actually the reason I wasn't crushed by that rock." Kiba shrugged. "Makes me wonder who he is..."

Shino and Hinata sat up, confused. "We're not... dead?" Hinata asked. Kiba laughed.

"Nope, you're still here." He said. "Which was thanks to that one Akatsuki member. I think Itachi called him Shadow."

"He has to be a member of the Nara Clan." Kurenai said. "Though I can't imagine who. I don't remember a Nara disappearing anytime recently, other than..." Kiba's eyes saddened. "But he's not alive."

"We should get back to the village." Shino suggested. "Though I propose we go another way. We don't want to run into them again."

"He did something I'd never seen before." Kiba spoke suddenly. "He used his own shadow as sort of an armor, and it also makes him stronger. With one punch, he shattered that boulder."

"He invented a new way to use shadow manipulation." Kurenai said. "But he must still have a soft spot for his village."

"Then why did he join the Akatsuki?" Hinata asked quietly.

"Maybe he thinks what they're doing is right. Just because he goes along with it doesn't mean he's heartless." Shino pointed out.

"But... he asked what these marks on my cheeks meant." Kiba said. "He didn't know it meant I was an Inuzuka. Maybe he isn't exactly from the Leaf. Maybe he was raised somewhere else."

"So then how would he know you?" Kurenai asked, crossing her arms.

"Well, we go on many missions, so maybe he saw me on one of the missions." Kiba shrugged. "But that wouldn't make sense either. Because he said he couldn't hurt me."

"Maybe you reminded him of someone." Hinata guessed. "Someone he left behind, or who died."

"But- rrrRRRGH!!" Kiba growled, his fingers sinking into his scalp. "I don't know anymore! Forget it- forget all of it! He can't possibly be that important. We just need to leave it all behind. He's on the wrong side, and that makes him dangerous."

Akamaru whined, and nudged Kiba affectionately. 'Please calm down.' He whimpered.

"I'm perfectly calm!" Kiba snapped. He paused. "Okay, maybe not perfectly, but I am calm."

"Right..." Shino sighed.

"Come on. We need to report this to the village as soon as possible." Kurenai commanded. "Let's move out."

~

I had a dream that night. Well, I suppose it was more of a collage of memories. It gets kinda confusing.

We open with the hill again, just the two of us, side by side. He turns and smiles at me. "Hey, we'll always be together, right?"

I sighed, and smiled back. "What kind of question is that? Of course we will. Even if the world really does end, we'll stay together to the end."

He laughed. "Geez, you don't need to make it sound so grim!" He gave me a playful shove. "But..." He looked off at the sunset. "Do you really believe the world is going to end? And why?"

"Well," I begin. "Say that there are shinobi out there with evil ambitions, which there are bound to be. Maybe they'll gain enough power to destroy the world. Or something. We live in a crazy world, you need to be prepared. Anything is possible."

He looked at me, and sighed. "So, I guess we gotta live life to the fullest, is what you're gonna say."

"Indeed. But don't let me ruin your evening with my hypothetical thoughts." I shrug. "I was just saying how far I'm willing to go for you."

And then he smiled. That's what I was after. His smile was the brightest thing I knew. Brighter than the sun. He leaned his head on my shoulder, and I rested my head atop his. "You know, I just realized you don't call me anything but my name. While I have plenty of names only I get to call you. It's my way of telling people you're special to me."

"I call you plenty of things I don't call anyone else." I point out. "Knucklehead, numskull, halfwit-"

"Don't you call, like, everyone those?" He laughed, nudging me affectionately.

"No. Oh, what about Pomeranian because you're bark is worse than your bite?" I teased. He rolled his eyes.

"Fine. I guess that's good enough."

The world around us began to grow hazy, and he disappeared from my side. I cried out, trying to catch him, but he was gone. I was suddenly at a door. It was a white door, and I felt afraid to enter. 

I took a deep breath, and knocked. There was no answer. I knocked one more time. When I was about to leave, I heard his voice.

"Come in." I slid the door open, and inhaled sharply when I saw him. He was wrapped in bandages, with his dog beside him. I couldn't look at him. There was a long, awkward silence.

"So... how're you holding up?" I asked after a moment.

"Oh, skip the pleasantries." He sighed. "I'm sorry."

I couldn't believe my ears. " _You're_ sorry?! You nearly died because I was an idiot! You have nothing to apologize for!"

"I made you worry." He smiled. His smile was laced with pain and it made my heart hurt. "I should've been... more careful."

"That's enough." I said, my shoulders shaking. Tears had begun to roll down my cheeks. "You did nothing you should be sorry for. I shouldn't have let you- I shouldn't have let _any_ of you stay behind. I should've been more responsible, and I shouldn't have put the mission above your lives. We didn't even succeed. The least I could've done was protect you..."

"You're... a real hypocrite, y'know?" I risked looking up. He was looking at me, tears in his eyes. "You just told me not to blame myself. That doesn't mean _you_ get to. It's not your fault either. I told you I'd stay and fight. The rest of them told you they would stay and fight. There was no argument. We were staying whether you liked it or not." He slowly sat up, and opened his arms.

I sat next to him and embraced him in a tight, but gentle hug. He was still recovering, and I didn't want to hurt him. I kept my sobs quiet so I could still keep my dignity, and he laughed.

"I'm glad to see you again." I hugged him a little tighter. "Hey, don't worry. The doctors said I'd only be in here for a week. Then I'll be free to go."

"You still should've been more careful." I mumbled into his chest. "But I'm glad you're alive."

Once again we were in another place. We were running from something. At least, most people were running. I was not. I had my shadows wrapped tightly around something. It was big, and I could tell it was dangerous.

I knew my time was coming to a close. Someone screamed a foreign word at me. I turned my head to see the boy trying to fight off two people holding him back. I shot him an apologetic smile-

And then it was gone. His screams, my surroundings, my consciousness. In a wave of searing heat, I was blown back and I seemed to disappear from the world.

I awoke with a cry. I immediately covered my mouth, and looked at my two allies sleeping soundly on the ground. There was no sound other than the blood pounding in my ears. My eyes were wide, tears streaming down my cheeks. My breath came out rapidly as I tried to think straight.

He was my friend. I'd even go as far as to say he was my closest friend. I was supposed to die because I was protecting him; along with everyone else. So then why was I fighting him today? Why were the Leaf and the other villages my enemies?

Were he and I never meant to be friends? Was I... betrayed? I wiped away my tears quickly, and took a couple deep breaths. I must've been betrayed. There was no other explanation... right?

I told myself over and over that that was the truth. I ran it through my brain over and over and over again until I couldn't stand hearing it anymore. I rose to my feet silently, and began to walk. If I remembered correctly, there was a stream nearby.

My mind easily wandered, and I found myself thinking about that boy again. I wish I'd caught his name. Then I could stop referring to him as 'that boy'. Perhaps I could give him a nickname for now.

Remembering my dream, I _did_ have nicknames for him. But they all seemed stupid to just refer to him as. I tried to think of something based off his appearance. Those red marks on his cheeks were a start. Or maybe his arrogance. His dog-like loyalty... and those beautiful brown eyes...

I stopped dead in my tracks. 

_WHAT?!_

Narrowing my eyes, a hollow feeling began to spread through my heart. I... missed him. _No. No, no, no!_ My fist somehow found its way through the trunk of a tree. I was furious. With myself, and with him. He didn't do anything to deserve my trust. He didn't do anything to deserve my mercy. 

I tugged at my arm, which was now stuck in the tree. My shadow shot up from the ground and pierced the tree with needle-like forms. I forced them out aggressively, shattering the tree, leaving it in a pile of splinters.

Continuing down the trail, I forced every thought of that boy away. But he kept coming back, like a ghost I could never catch. If I was going to think of him, I should at least know his name. Correction; I shouldn't be thinking about him at all.

But the more I thought of him, the more I remembered. I began to remember insignificant little facts about him. His birthday was July 7th. He had a gruff singing voice. He loved rainy weather. He was the least cautious person I knew. He was a terrible cook. His dream was to become the Hokage.

My heart lurched at that thought. If he became Hokage, he would be a target for the Akatsuki. He would be an obstacle, which meant he'd have to die. I wasn't ready to think about that.

I sighed, sitting at the edge of the river and looked up at the sky. It was a clear night; the stars shone brightly in the sky. That was a rare sight for me. We always had to stay out of plain sight, which meant we hardly ever got to see the night sky.

But as I stared at the sky, I remembered how his eyes always twinkled like the stars when he smiled. Another memory triggered as I thought about him. We were staring at the night sky after a long, difficult mission.

Our eyes somehow ended up meeting, and a trance seemed to take us over. We leaned forward- and kissed.

My eyes shot open, and I fell back trying to scramble to my feet. I gasped for breath- it all had disappeared in that moment. My chest was tight as realization struck me. The feelings I felt about him...

Were love.

"No, no, no, no, no no no no!" I exclaimed, my fingers sinking into my hair. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to shut out any and every thought of him. "Please let that not be true!"

A hand on my shoulder made me jump. I nearly punched them in the face, but they caught my fist. Itachi's eyes met mine. It was only then that I realized my eyes were stinging. I hoped he couldn't see that with the mask in the way.

I expected to be scolded for letting my feelings get the better of me, but I got something else. "Want to talk about it?" I lifted my head slightly, giving him a confused look. He laughed a little. "It's alright to cry once in a while."

"No it's not." I mumbled. Itachi gave me a look like I was crazy. "I shouldn't let such stupid things show."

"Feelings are very necessary. They make us human." Itachi pointed out. He reached forward and removed my mask. My tears trickled down my cheeks. "I've cried too, you know. It helps to talk about it."

"I..." I trailed off, trying to form words. "I want to kill him." He blinked at me, confused. "Maybe... maybe then these feelings will disappear."

"Who are you talking about?" Itachi asked.

His name was on the tip of my tongue once again. "Ki... ki... ugh, I don't know his name." I said. Itachi's eyes began to narrow. "But I couldn't kill him. In fact, I saved him. The reason I was in that cave in the first place was because I saved him from the falling boulder."

"Shadow, you didn't..." He glared at me.

"I didn't kill them!" I blurted. Itachi sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I couldn't. That- that boy triggered memories. Many memories. At first, I thought we were just... best friends. But we were... but we..."

Itachi grimaced. "I can't really offer you advice on that. Except that you have to forget it. It'll only bring you down."

I nodded, and wiped my eyes. I adjusted my mask back onto my face. "I apologize for-"

"Don't." Itachi cut me off. "Never apologize to me. Just correct your mistakes."

I lowered my head.

"Yes sir."

~Several Days Later~

Kiba looked up at the sky. Since the encounter with the Akatsuki, he'd been having dreams. Dreams of Shikamaru. And he was very close to breaking at this point. A couple thoughts had crossed his mind.

What if that Akatsuki member was Shikamaru? But he told himself he'd never join them. He'd never. Right?

By this point, his teammates could see something was wrong. The way he dragged his feet, how he hardly ever spoke or ate, how he only put half his effort into training. And he was only getting worse.

Wherever he looked, he expected to see Shikamaru. He expected him to just appear and say 'what, did you really think you could get rid of me?' But he knew that was impossible.

Shikamaru was gone, and he was never coming back. He had to accept it and move on. People are bound to die out there, young and old. Maybe Shikamaru was right. Maybe the world would end. But by this point, Kiba's world had already ended.

Kiba took off his jacket and untied the headband from around his arm. Shikamaru's headband. He wore it to honor him. He wore it so it would feel like he was always there with him.

But maybe he was out there. That Akatsuki member's scent was something like Shikamaru's. Disturbingly so. Kiba didn't want to believe that he had left them for the Akatsuki; the ones who had killed him in the first place.

A life without him was no life at all. Not for Kiba. But he had to keep going. He had to honor Shikamaru's sacrifice to keep him alive. Besides, at least he had his team. At least he had Akamaru.

"Akamaru..." Kiba began. Akamaru looked up from where he was laying on the floor. "Is something wrong with me?"

'Why would you think that?' Akamaru whimpered. 

"I don't know... am I selfish for wishing he hadn't sacrificed himself?" Kiba asked. "Am I wrong in saying there could've been a better way to solve that?"

'You didn't have the time to come up with something. You should trust that Shikamaru knew what he was doing. He knew what it would cost, and he was prepared for it.' Akamaru pointed out. 'I'm aware you love him, but all he'd want is for you to be happy.'

"I know, but no matter how many times I tell myself to move on, the thing that kills me is that my mind plays out so many different ways that could've gone. And it's stupid, because my mind never thinks to hard on one subject." Kiba groaned.

'Oh, that _is_ weird.' Akamaru nodded. 'Just try not to think about it too hard.'

"I can't, Akamaru, that's what I'm trying to tell you!" Kiba argued. "No matter how hard I try, I can't just drop it! How am I supposed to continue like this?" He flopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He growled, and hid his face in his hands. "I miss him, Akamaru. More than I can ever say."

Akamaru hopped onto the bed and nestled against Kiba's right side. 'I can only comfort you. I don't have any answers or advice. I'm just a dog, after all.'

"Thanks." Kiba sighed, stroking Akamaru's back. "What would I do without you?"

'Suffer.' Akamaru shrugged.

"Gee, thanks."

~A Couple Weeks Later~

I had been focusing on improving my jutsu, trying hard to forget about that boy. I had overheard Itachi talking to Kisame about our next mission. We were going to cross the Land of Fire in search for the Nine-Tails again, and they weren't sure if I should come along.

Kisame was very confused as to why not; he didn't know my inside issues, but he did know that I had been training harder than ever to kill Leaf shinobi. What fueled my rage? He couldn't care less about that.

But Itachi was convinced it could be dangerous to bring me because I might end up committing mass murder. And Kisame couldn't see anything wrong with that. In the end I had to step into the room and pretend I hadn't heard anything so that Kisame would end up asking if I was looking forward to the next mission. Itachi almost strangled him. He tended to do that when he got angry. (In case you hadn't picked that up by now)

So, in conclusion, yeah, I'm going. 

I'd made the decision to forget about my past. That was who I was. This is who I am now. There's no going back; not after everything I'd done. I guess this was my way of punishing myself for all the lives I'd taken.

Any and every memory I recovered, I'd push past and forget. I was going to kill all of my enemies, no matter who they were. I couldn't let my emotions get in the way. If I had a job to do, I'd do it without hesitation. That was my vow.

From then until the mission, I trained tirelessly to perfect my jutsu. I improved it, and invented new ways of using it. If you looked at it in another light (haha), it's potential was limitless.

I'd begun working on making it a sort of armor to protect myself with, and trying to work out how to use as little chakra as possible. It took weeks for me to get even the first part right, and I was sure that I'd never get it right.

Until I discovered something I could use to my advantage. When my shadows were thin and needle-like, they could pierce anything. These were no longer just shadows. No, these were something much more powerful than I could comprehend.

So I naturally explored their potential. And maybe stabbed myself a couple times on accident, but we don't need to talk about that (it was much more than just a couple times).

And then the day arrived. We would be setting out today, and I was more than ready to go. I fixed my mask on my face and tugged my ponytail tighter as I walked down to the entrance of our hideout. Someone would die; I'd make sure of that.

You may be wondering; how did he go from reluctant to kill Leaf shinobi to wanting nothing more _than_ to kill them? It's simple, really. I couldn't give a damn about my past, or who I was before. I believe what I'm doing is right, so I'll keep doing it.

Kisame greets me with a grin, but I notice Itachi looks a little off. Almost... unsettled by something. "Let's just get this over with." He muttered, and we started heading out. He wouldn't even look at me.


	2. Remember Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet with Kiba's team again, and Kiba gets close enough to take off his mask.

Everyone was stiff. No one dared make the first move. It'd only been about three or so weeks since our last encounter, yet here they were. It's like the world _wanted_ me to kill them. I was already feeling the adrenaline pumping.

I took a deep breath and reached for my kunai. Guess today's the day they meet their end. But Itachi stops me.

"We'll give you one chance to turn around and leave." He announces. Kisame and I look at him in disbelief. "You don't have to die today-"

"Yes, they do." I interrupted him. All eyes turned to me. "I'm not about to let them live this time. I screwed up once, and it will never happen again."

"The only thing you screwed up doing was joining the Akatsuki!" The boy with red marks retorted at me. The corners of my mouth twitched into a small smirk.

"Cute you think so, but I'm afraid it's too late to regret my decision." I sigh. "It's too bad, really. What a drag."

That shut him up. His eyes changed. They became utterly enraged. His teammates noticed, and worry began to sprout on their faces. "You shut your mouth!" He shouted. "You've just crossed a line, you little shit!"

I had no idea what he was talking about. Crossed a line? I'm already way over it by this point. "What, I hit a sore spot?" I taunted, making him even angrier than I thought anyone ever could be.

He held back no longer and launched himself at me. And thus, the battle began. To be honest, he was scary when he was angry. It made me a little guilty, but I quickly squashed those feelings and focused on the battle at hand.

He and his dog fought together, I noticed. Their battle style relied almost solely on their team work. If I took one of them out, they'd be significantly easier. Which meant The dog came first.

A fist slammed into my face, and I heard a crack from my jawbone as it exploded with pain. I rolled away from another attempt to strike and touched the spot he hit. It made me wince.

I dodged another flurry of his attacks, having to dance my way around his dog's strikes. They were a great team, and their patterns triggered a short memory. He was fighting the Nine-tails Jinchuriki. They were in a big stone room, and people were watching the fight from a higher level.

"Just hold still, dammit!!" He shouted as I continued to dodge. I shrugged at him, then countered his fist with my kunai. He grabbed the kunai by the blade, and I had to let go to dodge his other fist. I swept his legs out from under him, and was immediately tackled by his dog. He snapped at my throat, held back only by my arms as he scratched the heck out of my chest.

Blood was seeping through my cloak by the time I got him off, but I was then attacked by the boy again. His nails were claws, and his eyes were as wild as a hyena's. I felt a strong urge to try to calm him down, and then remembered I was supposed to kill him. I stabbed him in the shoulder with a kunai, and was about to slit his throat, but he knocked my hand away, pinning it down.

I was starting to struggle at this point. He had every intention of killing me, I knew. But I was going down this easily. My shadow formed spikes in seconds, stabbing him through his free hand and both his legs, and only slightly piercing his back. He couldn't move.

I quickly got out form underneath him, my shadow retracting, and he got up with me. He couldn't care less about his wounds, his only focus was killing me. He lashed out with his claws, and I barely dodged them. Several hits opened cuts at most, but I always got out of the way before real damage could be done.

My wounds were starting to catch up with me, as I finally started to feel the pain on my chest. That dog had done a number on my flesh, and most definitely could've gotten to my heart and vital organs, had I not escaped.

My head was starting to spin. What was I going to do?! I started this fight, so I need to finish it! Or else what use am I in this world!? I made the mistake of pausing. There something about his expression that was countering his rage.

He was given the opportunity to shove me back. I lost my footing as his dog tackled me to the ground, but this time made no move to tear me apart. The boy knelt beside me, and reached forward.

Panic bubbled up inside me. I knew what he was doing. But no matter how hard I tried to escape, that stupid dog wouldn't let me. That's it. I'm done for.

My mask was removed. I shut my eyes tightly, as if that would stop time. I hope he just kills me for everything I've put him through.

"Shika...maru?" 

My head explodes with pain as that word is spoken. It sounded foreign, and yet... so familiar. Shikamaru. Shikamaru... it's a name. _My_ name. 

Memories came rushing back to me all at once, and I let out a cry of agony. A village appeared in my mind. A cliff with the faces of people... the Hokages. A woman and a man held me close to them. My parents.

That blonde Jinchuriki appeared next to a pinkette and raven haired boy. The boy then faded from the picture. I was leading a group- my friends. We were chasing after something. We were chasing after that boy... Sasuke.

Names were revived in my mind, places and sights returned. The clouds moved above as I sat alone, watching them.

Chouji, Ino, Asuma- they were my team. Team 10. Or better known as Ino-Shika-Cho.

And that brown haired boy I was fighting appeared by my side, smiling at me. Chains shattered around me, and every memory I ever had returned in a flash.

My blurry vision started to clear, and I looked up at the boy beside me, tears trickling down his cheeks, a look of utter disbelief on his face. The sight pained my heart, and my first instinct was to comfort him.

"Kiba?" The name left my mouth before it even registered in my brain. He immediately embraced me tightly, crying into my shoulder. "What... just happened?"

Another memory popped into my head. We were being attacked by Deidara and Sasori. One of Deidara's bombs was in the middle of a clearing. We were all running for our lives. But I knew there was no way we'd all escape.

I stayed behind and wrapped my shadows around the bomb. Maybe I could keep the explosion under control. Maybe I could save everyone. I heard my name screamed, and looked over to see Shino and Neji holding Kiba back. I gave him an apologetic smile, before everything was consumed by a blinding light, followed by a burning pain.

I wasn't betrayed. I was _lied_ to. Sure, I should've figured that out a long time ago, but I fed lie after lie, and I had no idea what was true.

To think I was more of an idiot than Naruto.

I returned Kiba's hug, resting my chin on his shoulder. My own tears stung my eyes. "I can't imagine the pain I put you through." I whispered. "I didn't know... but I should've. Words cannot describe how sorry I am, Kiba."

"Say it again." Kiba growled, his nails sinking into my back. "Say my name again."

I smiled a little. "It's okay, Kiba. It's really me. Well, _now_ I'm me. And I will never leave your side ever again." He hugged me tighter, so I could hardly breath. Akamaru nuzzled his way into the hug and licked my face.

"I'm just glad this is over, and your back in my arms." He struggled to say.

"That was out of character." I teased. "Where's the whole 'your an idiot for risking your life like that!' and 'I'm going to kill you for it!'"

"Shut up!" He hissed. "I finally get you back after three, long, torturous years! Let me have this!"

I laughed a little in response, but didn't say anything else. We stayed there, embraced. I completely forgot that we were in the middle of a battle until I noticed someone standing above us with a giant sword.

My eyes widened, and I shoved Kiba out of the way, tackling Kisame to the ground before he could swing that sword. I was in no condition to fight, but _no one_ was going to take Kiba away from me _ever again_.

I reared back my fist, and punched him so hard in the face, his head cracked the earth beneath us. I then kicked his sword away from him, and rolled away in case of another attack.

But he didn't move. I slowly approached him. I'd knocked him unconscious. I looked at my fist, covered in his blood. After three years of lies and manipulation, I was back.

The first thing I did was discard my Akatsuki cloak, leaving my in just a black long-sleeved shirt and pants. I pulled my hair back in my normal spiky ponytail. Ah, it really felt good to be myself again.

Kiba stood beside me, and took my hand in his. He gave me a smirk. "Ready to make a comeback?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." I nodded. No one else had seemed to notice the scene that had just happened. I glanced over at Shino and Hinata, who were on the ground, surrounded by blood. "Kiba, you need to make sure they're okay." I told him. "I'll assist Kurenai."

Kiba took off towards his teammates after a moment of hesitation. I turned to see Kurenai kunai-to-kunai with Itachi, and started towards them, full speed. I knew full well that Itachi could easily notice me, but I was willing to risk it.

My fist readied, a took a running leap at Itachi, and slammed it into his face, knocking him back about five yards. Kurenai blinked, confused as to what just happened, then looked at me, realizing exactly who I was.

"Guess who's back." I smirked.

"What- _Shikamaru_!?" She exclaimed, sputtering. She grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me into a hug. "We all thought you were dead! What- where have you been!?"

I pushed away, noticing Itachi start to stand. "No time to explain, we need to fight."

She looked me over, and then shook her head, glaring at me fiercely. "Absolutely not! You are in _no_ condition to fight! You look like you've been fighting Kiba- wait." She looked around, then back at me. "There's no way..."

"It's not what you think-" I started to protest.

"You lost your memory due to the explosion, didn't you." She cut me off. I blinked at her.

"Yes, actually." I nodded after a moment.

We both turned, weapons at the ready when we noticed Itachi again. "So, Shadow. You've regained your memories, I see." He lowered his head slightly. "It was only a matter of time. I guess we have to retreat." He walked past us over to Kisame's unconscious body, and slung him over his shoulder. He glanced back at me. "Until we meet again."

"HOLD ON JUST A-" I was cut off as he and Kisame disappeared in a flock of ravens. "That asshole. Thinks he can just get out of _everything_ that way." I grumble. I then turn back to Kurenai, whose tears had started up. "Come on. We should make sure Hinata and Shino are okay."

She nodded, and we both hurried to Kiba's side.

Hinata and Shino were breathing, mostly just drained. I knew what Kisame's sword could do. "They'll be alright. We just need to get them back to the village." Kiba smiled towards me, and our eyes met for the first time in three years.

Before I knew what was happening, we were pressed against one another in a kiss. Kiba's hand slipped to my waist, pulling me closer. My eyes stung once again as I closed my eyes, my tears finally falling.

It was good to be back.

~Three Weeks Later (After Everyone Is Healed)~

"What's this surprise you keep going on about?" Yoshino growled as Kiba pulled her and Shikaku along. "We have things to do, y'know."

"You'll have to wait and see." Kiba replied, trying desperately not to give anything away. He was almost scared to see their reactions. Trailing behind the three of them was Asuma, Ino, Chouji, Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura, Sai(because he was curious), Hinata, Shino, and Lady Tsunade. Yes, they managed to drag her along too.

"What is this all about, Kiba?" Tsunade demanded. "I have a village to run. Missions to assign. Paperwork to do."

"And it's so early!" Naruto complained. "Couldn't this wait until later?"

"It's waited long enough!" Kiba hissed at him.

They all ended up at the entrance of the village, and stopped. Everyone was confused.

Kiba could hardly contain his excitement. "Alright then." He took a deep breath. "You can come out now."

Everyone's breath was halted as Shikamaru stepped out of the shadows of the archway. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "Hey..." He looked up. "I'm not dead."

Yoshino was the one to break the silence, tears falling from her eyes. She charged forward, and embraced Shikamaru tightly. "You _idiot_!!" She shouted. "Do you have ANY idea what we went through because of you!?"

Shikaku followed close behind, joining the hug. "You've been gone for _three years_! Where the hell were you!? Taking a vacation while we all sat here thinking you were dead!?"

"No... it's complicated..." Shikamaru mumbled as he hugged his parents back. "I'll explain everything later."

After a long silence, Yoshino and Shikaku released Shikamaru, and let Asuma, Ino, and Chouji take their place in the hug.

"Do you know how much it hurt to go on missions without you?!" Ino scolded. "We couldn't be Ino-Shika-Cho without you! And here you are, alive! Why couldn't you've come back sooner!?"

"We're glad your back, Shikamaru!" Chouji sobbed.

"You _had_ to wait three years." Asuma sighed. "We needed you. But you're finally back, and that's all that matters."

"Shikamaru Nara." The hug quickly dispersed as Tsunade approached. "You are the reason that almost everyone here is alive. And we have to thank you for that." Shikamaru swallowed hard, knowing that wasn't the end of it. "However," _Oh no, here it comes._ "YOU WERE ALIVE THIS WHOLE TIME, AND YET YOU NEVER CAME BACK!? How DARE you!!"

He lowered his head. "I've been through hell these past three years. You all weren't the only ones suffering. There were reasons I never came back." He didn't speak any further, his fists clenched so tightly, his knuckles were white.

Tsunade's expression softened. "Well. I look forward to hearing it. But for now," She stepped forward, and pulled him into a hug, surprising everyone. "I know this isn't very professional, but this village lost a great shinobi. And now that your finally back, I can return you to your duties. You have three years worth of work to do."

"Yes, Lady Fifth." Shikamaru sighed when she released him.

"I'll leave you all to your 'welcome backs'." She stopped, glancing at Ino and Sakura. "Don't put him in the hospital."

Sakura frowned. "Fine."


End file.
